I’m so sad that Kallypso’s tour is coming to end today. Don’t forget to leave a comment and your email in the comments section for the daily prize. No email, no prize. Also, the form for the grand prize is at the bottom of the post. Good luck!
Savannah Gentry, now Savi Baker, escaped the torture and degradation forced upon her by a sadistic father for eleven years and has made a safe life for herself and her daughter. When her father threatens her peace of mind—and her daughter’s safety—Savi runs to Damián Orlando for protection. Their one day together eight years earlier changed both their lives and resulted in a secret she can no longer hide. But being with Damián reawakens feelings she wants buried—and stirs up an onslaught of disturbing flashbacks that leave her shaken to the core with little hope of ever being a sexual being again.
Damián has his own dragons to fight, but has never forgotten the one perfect day he spent with Savannah in a cave at the beach. He will go to the ends of the earth to protect Savi and her daughter, but can never be the whole man she deserves after a firefight in Iraq. Besides, the trauma of war and resulting PTSD has led him to find his place as the Masters at Arms Club’s favorite sadist. Savi needs someone gentle and loving, not the broken man he has become. But he sees that the lifestyle he’s come to embrace also can help Savi regain control of her life and sexuality. How can he not help redirect her negative thoughts and actions if she needs him?
Interview with a sub
I first met Kathy when she contacted me after the Dec. 23 release of Nobody’s Hero and offered to be a beta reader. She read the book during that week before the official Dec. 31 release of the book and gave me great insights into the mindset of a submissive—as well as being helpful to me with military information. Needless to say, she’s been a big help with Nobody’s Perfect, as well, including giving me insight into a breath-control play scene that I use in the book. She and her Dom also helped me with a scene for an upcoming book in which Marc will undergo an interrogation scene with Adam and possibly others as he faces that inner pain that has been hidden so deeply, I didn’t think we’d EVER discover what it was.
Recently, I asked her to answer a view questions to give readers an insight into a real submissive’s life, as opposed to the ones I write about who are composites of a number of people (plus my imagination).
How or when did you realize you were a submissive?
I think I was around 6 years old. I remember how much I enjoyed helping other people because I wanted to see them happy. I have always made decisions based on the effect it will have on the people I love. When my husband was in the Navy everything I did, including clean the house, was to insure he was worry free, so he could concentrate on his job. It wasn’t until I was in my early 40s that I learned to call myself submissive.
I am not a ‘pure’ submissive. In the outside world I am very dominant. I am not a switch. I have no desire to control my husband or anyone else, but I am a mother so I have to be in charge to teach and to control chaos. Sometimes how I in need to be for the outside world creates conflict with my inner submissive, that’s when I need my Dominant the most because he centers me.
Describe what being submissive means to you.
Wow, that’s a hard one. What submission means to me, hmm surrender. That is the best word to describe submission for me. I surrender to my desire to not be in charge. I surrender to my husband’s desires, needs, and wants. I give of myself completely and with joy for the happiness of my Dominant. Seeing him happy fills my heart. Submission is different for each sub. Submission is an abstract term so it is not easily defined. I find great peace from my submission.
How did you go about finding the practice? How do you and your husband approache a D/s relationship?
With all the craziness going on in our life, we keep it in the closet so to speak. We leave the formality of the D/s relationship in the bedroom now. Sounds unfulfilling, but really it is not. Every relationship goes through shifts to fit its needs.
My husband works long hours and I am a full-time student. We also have a son still at home, so to simplify our life we leave D/s for the bedroom and play parties. We are extremely informal compared to many and that’s fine. The beauty of this lifestyle is that there is no wrong or right way to approach your relationship. There are many books out there that will give you ideas and examples. We explored a good number of them. For the time being, we have relegated D/s to the bedroom and when our son is not home. There are critics that would scream we are not D/s unless we are 24/7.To them I thumb my nose because being 24/7 is a lot of pressure for both sides. We are a lot like Marc and Angelina, sometimes I move over a line and he gently pulls me back other times I end up with a sore butt. I guess our relationship ebbs and flows with our needs and moods.
As you know, Damián in Kally’s book is now a sadist and Savi is a masochist. What is your point of view on sadomasochism (SM)? Do you do anything with that level of pain or use any edge control practices with your Dom?
I have no issue with consensual SM. The level of play a person wants to initiate is completely at their discretion. I love edge play. I get an enormous rush from pain. My hubby says I am a pain slut, and I may be, but really I need a blend of pain and sensual touch to fall into subspace.
One type of play we do a lot of now is breath play. Most would think it is not edge play, but it can be very dangerous if you are not careful. In fact, it could kill you. Breath play can be very relaxing and gentle. We usually start with a kiss where my husband begin by draw my breath away and breathing his into me. It’s quite intimate. The risk comes from the amount of CO2 you receive. You have to make sure your partner does not asphyxiate. Breath play also includes choking. Often when we have rough sex he puts his hand down on my neck and traps me to the bed. It is a combination of bondage and breath play.
I love knife play, with or without cutting. The best is the mindfuck—using something innocuous and making the sub believe it is something dangerous. I saw a Dom use ice and hold it to the sub’s skin and she was convinced it what hot during the fireplay scene. For medical reasons, I cannot do as much impact play so we are working to find new outlets for our play.
Overall, I am a person who believes everyone should play at the level they are comfortable with. In BDSM we let people be themselves. We don’t like when people tell us what we do is wrong because we don’t do it their way. The beauty of the kink communities is we accept everyone. BDSM/Kink is fun and if you are deriving pleasure from it and it’s safe, sane, and consensual, it’s all right.
Now if what you are doing is being done in an unsafe manner a Dom may help you learn a safer way to do it or help you learn better techniques. Everyone had to start out learning how to swing a flogger, for example, so we embrace teaching safety. Doms mentor other Doms all the time, just as other subs will mentor subs when they first enter the community. We are like a family in many ways.
What is it like emotionally to be on the receiving end of a Dom’s attentions?
During a scene, it’s a total rush. My Dom and I do a lot of mental bondage. Mental bondage is when the Dom tells you what position he wants you in and often to be silent and you have to maintain that position. It requires a lot of concentration and discipline. It works very well for people that have a hard time staying in the moment. For example, say you are a worry wart and you have a hard time orgasming—using mental bondage occupies your mind and frees your body to respond to the stimulation without tension or stress getting in the way.
I don’t believe in the notion that a sub feels any more or less cherished than a wife in a solid vanilla relationship. The major difference is we set aside fear of rejection because we trust our partner to listen without making it personal or having hurt feelings. We tend to be more rational about our wants and needs and open to what our partner wants without prejudices. I would never claim BDSM is a marital cure-all, because that is pure fantasy.
Lastly, what is your favorite part about being a sub in a long-term relationship?
It’s like any other relationship. When it’s great, it is the best thing in the world. We have our on days and our off days. We have periods of time we operate in the lifestyle more than others. We fit our life and our lifestyle together in a manner that works best for us. We work hard to accept one another and enjoy everything everyone else does. We have a rich full life that includes D/s.
My favorite is the way we communicate more clearly now. I don’t assume he knows what I want and he feels safe asking for what he needs. We have more fun in bed and out of bed. NEITHER one of us lives in fear that we will weird the other one out.
39 thoughts on “Nobody’s Perfect by Kallypso Masters Blog Tour”
Great interview! Was going crazy waiting to read this.. We lost power for a few days here!
Great interview, and great insight into the lifestyle. Thanks for sharing it.
I really appreciate this interview! This is such a new genre for me and there is so much I have to learn. It is hard to understand, especially the concept of welcoming, even needing pain. I'm not sure what helps a sadist know when to draw the line and why the safeword is not the first thing out of a sub as soon as the whip is taken in hand. Still, I must confess, it would be amazing to be a fly on the wall in one of these parties or clubs. Since I don't have a clue where to find one, though, I guess I will have to limit my education to books. Luckily, there are plenty of those around.
Thank you for the insight.
Your interview was very interesting Kathy, thank you for sharing. I have some of the same concerns as darkbloodyvamp. How do you share each other, or have sex with others while in a committed relationship? Even if the Dom is watching, I don't understand how it isn't cheating and why would he ask you to do that? I've read some BDSM books, I've also talked to a sub and I still have difficulty wrapping my head around that aspect of BDSM.
luvfuzzzeeefaces at yahoo dot com
That is an amazing interview. I am going to bookmark this one to reread and share. Thanks! jepebATverizonDOTnet
Great interview!! You make some very valid points about the D/s lifestyle. My husband and I are still relatively new, but are finding that others in the lifestyle are very helpful. I have learned so much. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
bournmelissa at hotmail dot com
Thanks for the insight on another submissive's point of view. It is all intersting.
Thanks, Kathy for the very informative interview! I don't live the lifestyle, but it's great learning about, BDSM!
i can't wait for Nobody's Perfect!
Great intervew. Its nice to hear from both sides and not just from a book but from a real person.
Very interesting and informative interview. I can't wait to read Nobody's Perfect! Thanks for a great time with this bloghop, Kally.
This has been a wonderful blog hop, and I'm sorry to see it end. Kally, thanks so much for everything – the interviews, the excerpts and the insight.
Can't wait to read Nobodys' Perfect, because I know it's gonna be awesome!
Thank you Kathy for providing your insight in a long-term D/s relationship. I think the only question that keeps popping into my head as I hear more about this lifestyle are two things: the health aspect, and public display (ie play parie3s or BDSM clubs). You mentioned play parties and I think this is the area I have the hardest understanding. If you and your husband (who is your Dom) are in a commitment relationship why or I guess how can you both bare yourselves in front of others to watch. Not judging just trying to understand. I mean would I want others to see me exposed that way or to have others see my partner exposed? The other is the hygiene aspect. I hear people go to BDSM clubs or play parties but with AIDS and other stuff around how are the equipment maintained to be clean and hygienic. I do apologize if I over stepped my boundary but these thoughts I have been in my mind for a while since I started reading BDSM erotic romance books and about this lifestyle.
I truly appreciate you answering the questions and for providing your insight.
I am so waiting for the next book!
Thank you for your insight, Kathy! I'm glad you said that there isn't one true way to have a D/s relationship. I can't tell you how many know-it-alls spout just the opposite. No two people are alike, therefore there can be no two D/s relationships that are the same. Everyone must create a relationship that suits their needs.
geishasmom73 AT yahoo DOT com
Thank you for all the comments. It's pretty neat. I don't see BDSM every being an accepted lifestyle by mainstream society at least for 50yrs or so.
If you have any question please let me know I would be happy to help in anyway I am able.
The best thing about D/s is communication adn acceptance. They free you to feel safe talking about your deepest fantasties and your biggest fear. Be safe!
Great interview! email@example.com
Great interview…thx for sharing. I can't believe this is the end of the tour! And I can't wait to read Nobody's Perfect…but no rush Kally…I'm patiently waiting! I want you to feel just as good about it when you release it as your fans do when we read it!
barbbattaglia @ yahoo.com
Looking forward to your new book, Kally!
carebearbearconnor at gmail.com
Great interview.Very informative.
Can't wait for the book
It's really been an eye-opening tour. I did always wonder how someone would balance the lifestyle with a hectic daily life (especially when that daily life probably includes people who wouldn't understand).
Great interview! I love hearing about how D/s relationships aren't just about pain. I wish we could get that out there more and maybe people would be more accepting of the different lifestyles. I am glad to see you so happy in your realationship. Thank you for sharing.
Linda linmeza at hotmail dot com
PS I am so excited about Nobodys Perfect!!
I loved reading the interviews with people who actually live in the lifestyle. I don't have any experience with it, but am very fascinated with it, and love to read about BDSM. Thank you for the great interview.
manning_j2004 at yahoo dot com
This was a great interview. I appreciate the insight into the mind of a sub. Thank you Kathy for your honesty.
Heyme7 at gmail dot com
Thanks for the insightful interview. I've learned much more about this lifestyle over the course of this hop, it's been great.
Thanks for sharing the interview:)
I've really enjoyed each day of the blog tour. I found so many blogs to follow that I wouldn't otherwise know existed.
Thank you for the wonderful interview, Kathy! It is nice to see that there are many different ways to go about BDSM in a D/s relationship. Thank you also for sharing your lifestyle with us. 😉
trb0917 at gmail.com
Kathy, thank you for sharing a bit of you life with us. I'm sad this blog tour is over. I've learned a lot about the BDSM lifestyle from the interviews and I appreciate the candid responses of the Doms and subs. Thanks for such an informative blog tour!
Great interview! Thanks for the insight! I love learning about the life style. Its interesting and intriguing. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for the interview Kathy. I'm sorry Kally's blog hop is over, but I'm looking forward to the release of Nobody's Perfect.
I too, really enjoyed the interviews. Can't wait for the new book.
Thanks for the great interview, Kathy. It gave me some insight into a subs lifestyle. I'm very intrigued with this info and the book.
Thanks for participating in the Blog Hop. Loved it. Sad it is over. I really enjoyed all the interviews.
Great interview. I have always had an interest in this kind of lifestyle and I love hearing from both sides. Trust, communication and the others happiness seems to be true for both the Dom and the sub. Thank you Kally.
I love how it is really about being 100% comfortable your partner, communication, and really knowing your loved one!
Love the interview and though i´m sad the hop is over, i´m glad the release is near *yay*
Looking forward to reading this.
best wishes, Linda xo
fr_larsson at hotmail dot com
Thank you Kathy for your insight into the lifestyle. I enjoyed your thoughts and comments. I am intrigued by the lifestyle and enjoy reading about personal experiences. Thank you again.