I’m so sad that Kallypso’s tour is coming to end today. Don’t forget to leave a comment and your email in the comments section for the daily prize. No email, no prize. Also, the form for the grand prize is at the bottom of the post. Good luck!
Savannah Gentry, now Savi Baker, escaped the torture and degradation forced upon her by a sadistic father for eleven years and has made a safe life for herself and her daughter. When her father threatens her peace of mind—and her daughter’s safety—Savi runs to Damián Orlando for protection. Their one day together eight years earlier changed both their lives and resulted in a secret she can no longer hide. But being with Damián reawakens feelings she wants buried—and stirs up an onslaught of disturbing flashbacks that leave her shaken to the core with little hope of ever being a sexual being again.
Damián has his own dragons to fight, but has never forgotten the one perfect day he spent with Savannah in a cave at the beach. He will go to the ends of the earth to protect Savi and her daughter, but can never be the whole man she deserves after a firefight in Iraq. Besides, the trauma of war and resulting PTSD has led him to find his place as the Masters at Arms Club’s favorite sadist. Savi needs someone gentle and loving, not the broken man he has become. But he sees that the lifestyle he’s come to embrace also can help Savi regain control of her life and sexuality. How can he not help redirect her negative thoughts and actions if she needs him?
Interview with a sub
I first met Kathy when she contacted me after the Dec. 23 release of Nobody’s Hero and offered to be a beta reader. She read the book during that week before the official Dec. 31 release of the book and gave me great insights into the mindset of a submissive—as well as being helpful to me with military information. Needless to say, she’s been a big help with Nobody’s Perfect, as well, including giving me insight into a breath-control play scene that I use in the book. She and her Dom also helped me with a scene for an upcoming book in which Marc will undergo an interrogation scene with Adam and possibly others as he faces that inner pain that has been hidden so deeply, I didn’t think we’d EVER discover what it was.
Recently, I asked her to answer a view questions to give readers an insight into a real submissive’s life, as opposed to the ones I write about who are composites of a number of people (plus my imagination).
How or when did you realize you were a submissive?
I think I was around 6 years old. I remember how much I enjoyed helping other people because I wanted to see them happy. I have always made decisions based on the effect it will have on the people I love. When my husband was in the Navy everything I did, including clean the house, was to insure he was worry free, so he could concentrate on his job. It wasn’t until I was in my early 40s that I learned to call myself submissive.
I am not a ‘pure’ submissive. In the outside world I am very dominant. I am not a switch. I have no desire to control my husband or anyone else, but I am a mother so I have to be in charge to teach and to control chaos. Sometimes how I in need to be for the outside world creates conflict with my inner submissive, that’s when I need my Dominant the most because he centers me.
Describe what being submissive means to you.
Wow, that’s a hard one. What submission means to me, hmm surrender. That is the best word to describe submission for me. I surrender to my desire to not be in charge. I surrender to my husband’s desires, needs, and wants. I give of myself completely and with joy for the happiness of my Dominant. Seeing him happy fills my heart. Submission is different for each sub. Submission is an abstract term so it is not easily defined. I find great peace from my submission.
How did you go about finding the practice? How do you and your husband approache a D/s relationship?
With all the craziness going on in our life, we keep it in the closet so to speak. We leave the formality of the D/s relationship in the bedroom now. Sounds unfulfilling, but really it is not. Every relationship goes through shifts to fit its needs.
My husband works long hours and I am a full-time student. We also have a son still at home, so to simplify our life we leave D/s for the bedroom and play parties. We are extremely informal compared to many and that’s fine. The beauty of this lifestyle is that there is no wrong or right way to approach your relationship. There are many books out there that will give you ideas and examples. We explored a good number of them. For the time being, we have relegated D/s to the bedroom and when our son is not home. There are critics that would scream we are not D/s unless we are 24/7.To them I thumb my nose because being 24/7 is a lot of pressure for both sides. We are a lot like Marc and Angelina, sometimes I move over a line and he gently pulls me back other times I end up with a sore butt. I guess our relationship ebbs and flows with our needs and moods.
As you know, Damián in Kally’s book is now a sadist and Savi is a masochist. What is your point of view on sadomasochism (SM)? Do you do anything with that level of pain or use any edge control practices with your Dom?
I have no issue with consensual SM. The level of play a person wants to initiate is completely at their discretion. I love edge play. I get an enormous rush from pain. My hubby says I am a pain slut, and I may be, but really I need a blend of pain and sensual touch to fall into subspace.
One type of play we do a lot of now is breath play. Most would think it is not edge play, but it can be very dangerous if you are not careful. In fact, it could kill you. Breath play can be very relaxing and gentle. We usually start with a kiss where my husband begin by draw my breath away and breathing his into me. It’s quite intimate. The risk comes from the amount of CO2 you receive. You have to make sure your partner does not asphyxiate. Breath play also includes choking. Often when we have rough sex he puts his hand down on my neck and traps me to the bed. It is a combination of bondage and breath play.
I love knife play, with or without cutting. The best is the mindfuck—using something innocuous and making the sub believe it is something dangerous. I saw a Dom use ice and hold it to the sub’s skin and she was convinced it what hot during the fireplay scene. For medical reasons, I cannot do as much impact play so we are working to find new outlets for our play.
Overall, I am a person who believes everyone should play at the level they are comfortable with. In BDSM we let people be themselves. We don’t like when people tell us what we do is wrong because we don’t do it their way. The beauty of the kink communities is we accept everyone. BDSM/Kink is fun and if you are deriving pleasure from it and it’s safe, sane, and consensual, it’s all right.
Now if what you are doing is being done in an unsafe manner a Dom may help you learn a safer way to do it or help you learn better techniques. Everyone had to start out learning how to swing a flogger, for example, so we embrace teaching safety. Doms mentor other Doms all the time, just as other subs will mentor subs when they first enter the community. We are like a family in many ways.
What is it like emotionally to be on the receiving end of a Dom’s attentions?
During a scene, it’s a total rush. My Dom and I do a lot of mental bondage. Mental bondage is when the Dom tells you what position he wants you in and often to be silent and you have to maintain that position. It requires a lot of concentration and discipline. It works very well for people that have a hard time staying in the moment. For example, say you are a worry wart and you have a hard time orgasming—using mental bondage occupies your mind and frees your body to respond to the stimulation without tension or stress getting in the way.
I don’t believe in the notion that a sub feels any more or less cherished than a wife in a solid vanilla relationship. The major difference is we set aside fear of rejection because we trust our partner to listen without making it personal or having hurt feelings. We tend to be more rational about our wants and needs and open to what our partner wants without prejudices. I would never claim BDSM is a marital cure-all, because that is pure fantasy.
Lastly, what is your favorite part about being a sub in a long-term relationship?
It’s like any other relationship. When it’s great, it is the best thing in the world. We have our on days and our off days. We have periods of time we operate in the lifestyle more than others. We fit our life and our lifestyle together in a manner that works best for us. We work hard to accept one another and enjoy everything everyone else does. We have a rich full life that includes D/s.
My favorite is the way we communicate more clearly now. I don’t assume he knows what I want and he feels safe asking for what he needs. We have more fun in bed and out of bed. NEITHER one of us lives in fear that we will weird the other one out.