His Fake Alien Fiancee
by Patricia Eimer
Out of this World #2
Publication Date: February 6, 2017
Genres: Adult, Entangled: Select Otherworld, Standalone, Sci-Fi, Romance, Funny, Fake Relationship
SYNOPSIS: Princess Perripraxis not only has to find a fiancé—and fast—she’s got to find one who doesn’t mind that her “no makeup” face has green and purple scales. Otherwise, Daddy Dearest has plans that don’t include Perri’s compliance. Candidate Number One: Her sexy human best friend, Brandt.
Bartender Brandt Turner didn’t need all those years in the army to teach him never to leave a man behind. Or an alien princess in need of a pretend fiancé. If she needs someone to play the lovesick fool to convince her dad to let her stay on Earth, well then, he’ll let the world think Cupid finally took him out.
But Perri’s father has no intention of playing nice—and he’s not above cruel and unusual alien torture to make things go his way. But Brandt is willing to complete the mission…however far he has to go.
He lifted his head slightly and nudged hers back with his cheek, intending to kiss her forehead. To be tender. To be a friend.
But her lips were there and they looked like strawberries against her green skin and he knew even as her eyes widened and connected with his that this was a bad idea.
He brought his lips down on top of hers and he found that he didn’t care. Didn’t care that she was the princess of a galactic empire. That his best friend was in love with her sister. That she was green. That they were friends. That he’d promised himself he wasn’t going to get involved with someone he actually cared about.
Didn’t even care that the taste of her lips against his made him feel like he was falling off a cliff and into a serious pile of shit.
They both shifted, moving so they were facing, and he brought his hands up to cradle her face with his left while he wrapped his right around her waist, hoisting her off her own stool and into his lap.
She had her fingers entwined in his hair and was kissing him like he was her only source of air.
The tip of her tongue licked against his mouth, and he began to kiss back, chasing her into her own mouth. He tightened his grip on her, pressing their chests together, and he fought the urge to shift his hips into her, to maneuver them onto the top of his bar.
They were friends and they’d had too much to drink and she was upset and this was the last thing either of them needed.
She grabbed the front of his shirt right above the top button and jerked downward, ripping the shirt apart and sending buttons flying.
Right, then. He kept a tight grip on her hips so she didn’t fall off his lap and brought his other hand down to start fumbling with the knot that held her sheet-toga-ceremonial robe thing closed.
She let go of his shirt and started squirming, pulling the hem up, refusing to let go of his lips, and he tried his best to help her get the thing off over her head.
“Wait.” He broke his lips away from hers and wrapped his arms around her waist, hoisting her up as he stood and dropped her onto the bar, pulling the material off over her head, trying not to drool because how had he not realized that she’d been going commando under that sheet?
“Brandt.” She grabbed the sides of his dress shirt and pulled him close again, pressing their lips together, and suddenly his sweet little Perri had gotten forceful. “Didn’t you just tell me I’d been on Earth six months and I needed to go ahead and have sex already?”
“Well.” He wasn’t sure what to say. He’d been with a lot of women who liked it a lot of different ways. But he’d never been quite as turned on as he was right this very second with the little woman in front of him handling him like a rag doll.
“And that it should be with someone who didn’t freak out when they found out I was green?”
“Uh-huh?” He studied her, some weird mixture of turned on and really fucking intimidated.
“That leaves three possibilities. Anderson Fox is not interested in having sex with a female. Mattias is in love with my sister. And then there’s you. Ding ding ding, Brandt Turner, you are a winner. Now take me upstairs and take my earth virginity already.”
“Um…” he muttered once before she managed to press their lips together again, and all he could think was, “Sure.
Okay. Best to give the lady what she wants.”
“Now,” she growled.
And to think, he’d thought she was the mild-mannered alien princess in the lot.
This book had me rolling on the floor. Literally, I was on my bed but I was still rolling with laughter with this one. Ms. Eimer has written a flat out hilarious sci-fi romantic comedy that you will laugh, swoon, sigh, cry and then cheer in the end. As one knows, I don’t read sci-fi that much but lately, the books that are in the genre are hitting all of my buttons. Let me tell you what I loved about this one:
- Perri – she is a delight. Raised as an alien princess with a horrible father, terrific siblings and a wonderful mother. In fact, she and Corri were tutored in Earth ways but once they came to Earth, everything they learned was wrong. Oh yes, reading about this, my hand flew up to my face in horror and then laughter. She realizes that she is the “spare” and just takes whatever anyone tells or does to her as her lot in life. Once she is on Earth, she decides that enough is enough. Finally standing on her own two feet, she fights for what she wants and that’s her life on Earth.
- Brandt – I love him. He makes no bones about who he is and what he wants out of a relationship with a woman. Too bad, Charity he’s ex never got the memo. I did, however, fell kinda bad for her…until… Grrrr! In the end, he is a standup guy and only wants the best for Perri. He just never realized that Perri is the kind of woman that he can commit to. Scales and all. In fact, that’s they one thing that he truly loves about her. She’s an alien but she’s the most “real” woman that he has ever known. *swoon*
- Atomic Springs (the town) – You gotta love a town that knows about Area 51, the relocation of aliens and that the local diner is run by a Martian. I loved Flo and would like to get to know her better. I also liked that the story refers to Roswell, too. You need to sorta kinda suspend some of her belief in the story but it’s worth it.
- The pacing is fast and I loved the countdown headers for each chapter. I also liked Ms. Eimer’s writing. It’s light, humorous, snarky but most of all real. Even though there are aliens in the book, they are very real. They have real emotions, problems, familial dysfunction and just want to be left alone to live their life.
- So in the teasers above, they are talking about sex. There is sex in the book and referenced very humorously. Perri doesn’t understand much except what she was taught by the “documentaries” that the tutor saw fit, so it is funny. When it comes time for Perri to lose her “earth virginity”, it’s sweet, emotional and definitely swoon worthy. The aftermath is cute but…Brandt is an idiot.
Do yourself a favor and pick up this book to read. It’s funny, sexy, real and above all…just plain fun. It’s on my keeper shelf and I highly recommend it to even the read that hates reading sci-fi. You are definitely missing out on this one.
Engaged to a murderous, intergalactic warlord, Capridocian Princess Corripraxis is running for her life and crash lands on Earth, where large creatures moo at her, threatening to expose her as an alien. If she can just get some help—in the form of the very attractive Earth male who just pulled up in a tow truck—she can hunker down in the Martian colony until she figures out her next move, right?
One hunky Marine. One sexy alien. One deranged intergalactic warlord. What could go wrong?
At the scene of an accident, a sexy woman asks ex-Marine Mattias Cadiz to take her to Roswell NM. He really should be getting on with living a nice, sane—quiet—life, because the very pretty Corri is probably on her way to the annual Convention with the other alien-crazy wackos. Still, no way he can refuse such a gorgeous, if confused, violet-eyed beauty.
Amazon UK: http://amzn.to/2kkpp9h
Amazon CA: http://amzn.to/2kLhqU6
Amazon AU: http://amzn.to/2kLirv1
ABOUT PATRICIA EIMER
Patricia Eimer is a suburban mom who has days where she feels like she’s barely hanging on. She currently lives in eastern Pennsylvania with her two wonderful kids and a husband that learned the gourmet art of frozen pizzas to give her more time to write. When she’s not writing—or shuttling her children to a hundred different places a day– she can be found trying to cook (and sometimes blowing up hard boiled eggs), reading and arguing with her dogs about plot points. Most days the Beagle wins but the Dalmatian is in close second and her mastiff puppy is making a break for the inside. Patricia meanwhile is a longshot fourth.
When she’s not writing she can be found on Facebook, at her website (www.patriciaeimer.com) or blogging about her attempts at cooking and her complete inability to craft as a contributor to the Suburban Flail Blog (www.suburbanflail.com). She is also a connoseiur of really bad science jokes.